Dear Diary
Describing life can be real tough
And sometimes you weren't big enough
In which to write my thrilling stuff
And secrets like my bit of fluff
Years later I look back to see
The fun things that went on for me
Were nineteen eighty-two and three
Just pubs, hot love and ribaldry?
Those attempts to record a golden age
On paper, one week to a page
The length of words a bitch to gauge
Would drive me daily into a rage
Each January I'd set out committed
To ensure that each night I submitted
A passage that events befitted
But some things sadly were omitted
Noteworthy moments didn't fit
So now I'll try catch up a bit
Like Leeds United thrashing Villa
And surprise surprise, I once met Cilla
Iceland fished more than its quota
I bought a rusty old Toyota
Julia's birthday, September first
Findus frozen currywurst
Flooding in the Mekong Delta
A fat arse stuck in a helter-skelter
Michael Foot's misunderstood
Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Russians in Afghanistan
A bunch of freesias for my Nan
Waking up in Barking station
My worst ever case of dehydration
For these events there was no place
Dear diary you're an absolute disgrace
#
It's your diary here
There wasn't the space
We both have regrets
But let's not blame me
Instead let's blame Letts
#
Dear Dairy
An extra pinta, creamy gold top
And if you'll do us a big favour
Two small pots of yoghurt please
That fruity strawberry flavour